Never Giving up

Last night I was feeling so low and hurt. I revealed my HIV status to someone I was thinking about dating. He went from trying to be all over me and how beautiful I was to this look of disgust, he moved away and started talking about weather or whatever. I told him he didn't have to stay he could leave anytime. I have never felt rejection like that. I know that he WAS not the one for me because God closed that door immediately. But I am left with these feelings. I could allow the thoughts of failure, defeat, dirty, shame, fear of never being happy all the negative nellies. But I am not going to give in and I am not going to give up. Sometimes all thoughts are not good thoughts. Its up to me to sort through these thoughts in my head and to seek out the truth. The truth is I am a princess, I have a beautiful spirit, I am kind caring compassionate. I help others, I love others even when no one else will. Jesus was rejected, and he died for my sins. I can do all things through his strength. I refuse to let what someone else thinks or feels about me be the law. I love the quote by Eleanor Roosevelt " No one can make you feel inferior but you!

I run this ship drive this car rock this beat!!

I have had some low moments were my self esteem was damaged but today that isnt me and I am not turning back. I so get all the stories in the Bible now that I look back and reflect. Lot's wife was told to leave and never look back and when she did she turned into a pillar of salt. I dont want to go back to where I was. I defeated the beast and now I live in victory. I think I have found happiness , I am not wealthy, actually I dont know how I survive but I dont question greatness. God provides everything I need. I dont have a paying job but I know what I do is important and I make a difference in my community. I prefer to get my paycheck by seeing peoples lives changed. I rely on God for the rest. Lord thank you for all my trials and the lessons I have learned to get me to this point.

I will never forget when I was in NEW YORK CITY !! I was on the rooftop of this building and all you can see is lights at night. it was like I was sitting on top of the world. I had just finished the White House Project training. I looked out upon the vast city and I felt like there was no limit to what I could achieve or do, I cried because I said to myself, no wonder I have had so many trials and so many road blocks and obstacles the enemy was trying to hold down a WOMAN OF GREATNESS!! I felt so powerful at that moment I could feel the spirit of the Lord upon me. I have been anointed to serve HIM all the days of my life.

I am about to turn 35, I made a promise to myself to be an engineer by the time I was 35. That was ten years ago and time flew. I could choose to think of myself as a failure for not reaching my goal. BUT I WILL NOT! that was MY plan for my life. God had something else in store. Through my obedience and perseverance I am at a different place and the motions are being set. The other day I read somewhere that everything is in place just stay on the path I am on . He also said its time to make that irreversible decision in my life. I am ready Lord use me! I know once I step into your glory and live by your word everything will change. My perspective, outlook, and my circumstances will forever be new.

Lord you are good and your mercies endureth forever. Its amazing how he takes a poor old sinning sap like myself and makes beauty out of ashes!

The First Time

This is my very first blog... Whats on my mind today is Victory! My name means Victory of the People. I woke up with complicated thoughts, and a hue of depression sunk in. I sat down at the computer to read my emails, facebook etc. I found a post from a friend that reminded me of who I am today. I have taken control of my life today and given the reigns over to God. I will stop giving the enemy in my life power over my thoughts and what I do. Today is a beautiful day. There is talk of a pwerfuyl thunderstorm. There is alot of things to change your mood. But I am sitting here with a beautiful little girl wrapped around my neck as I type this whispering I love you mama in my ear and drooling on my back. How can it get any better? i am listening to Michael Buble woo me singing dream. "Things never are as bad as they seem so dream dream dream"
What is my dream? To have balance in my life and to do something awesome like become a Senator, CHANGE THE WORLD with just one flick of a butterflys wings!
But most of all to be the being HE created me for! I just want HIS will for me today !
Today I will act my way into better thinking instead of thinking my way into better acting!
I am so happy this morning now I am going to claim this victory get off my duff and CLEAN my castle!!! No more stinking thinking for me today ! TODAY IS JUST AS AWESOME AS ANY OTHER DAY ! I AM GOING TO BE A VICTOR EVERYDAY ! TODAY IS MY SUPERBOWL!